About two days ago my dad told me he recently had seen the movie 9. I’d never heard of it. I don’t keep up with modern life. So I’ve rented it, & now I’m watching it. This is what’s going through my head. CAUTION: SPOILERS AHEAD. DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU WISH NOT TO DISCOVER THE FATE OF POST-APOCALYPTIC LEATHERFACE.

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–Ok, Im 10 minutes in & so far Im fairly certain this is what a severely bizarre – borderline terrible – acid trip is like.

–Im not sure I can handle a post-apocalyptic talking burlap Leatherface…

–This already goes well beyond Burton. Burton is weird & creepy; this is just frickin trippy & bizarre. I can kinda see how most of Burton’s movies can be conceived …Ive never even had whacked-out dreams this out there!

–Oh good, a room full of evil creepy screaming rorschachs

–I frickin hate post-apocalyptic sandstorms

–Sure glad that tiny fragile light bulb still works despite a world-destroying war…

–Cant evil robots EVER have eyes that are, say, a nice baby blue? Who the hell always designs robots that go mad with red eyes? Actually, maybe Im on to something here…

–Awwww, Burlap Frodo feels togetherness!

–JESUS CHRIST!!! That was graphic

–Awesome, more red eyes. And this time on a frickin cyclops with 70,000 legs.

–wat

–LOOK OUT! BURLAP HARE KRISHNAS!

–Of course it was the Russians who designed the “machines of peace” to bring prosperity to the “state.”

–Im diggin the cataloging circus twins who speak with eye flashes. Weird.

–Nice, the giant burlap guard is clearly from backcountry Mississippi

–Ooo burn.

–Dude, I really hope the damn Aztec king bites it. He’s pissing me off with all his “I’m scared of the giant killer red-eyed robots that’ll stop at nothing to slaughter us & eat our stuffing-filled insides.” Wuss.

–AAAHH. I frickin huge black fly just got stuck between my glasses & my eyeball! Fucker!

–HA! Best line of the movie: “you owe me a cape.”

–Dude, why is this guy made of prison clothes when everyone else is made of burlap?

–”Here, let me sew you up with this giant ninja sword…”

–What the f?! The redneck guard is gettin wasted on a magnet!

–You stupid bitch, always asking questions

–Look out! It’s a robotic Zerg!!

–Well that’s only kinda severely horrifying

– Burlap druids…

–Hahahaha pwned!

–Whoops, look who’s got explosive blood

–Ha ha! Ur fat!

–Way to vague as hell prison dude

–Self actualize much?

–Aw shoot, the giant red-eyed walking all-knowing mechanical brain of doom got caught in the barbed wire

–OOOOOO but at least it has a flame-thrower!

–Good thing he knew to push the three unapparent buttons & aim the talisman at the giant red-eyed walking all-knowing mechanical brain of doom

–Wait … so are these ghosts, or visions of the matrix?

–Im gonna go with ghosts. Is there a weird burlap doll heaven, or are they just going up to cruise the universe? And apparently create rain…

–Seems odd that seven or so burlap dolls armed with fishhooks & matches (& zippers) could so easily destroy the giant red-eyed walking all-knowing mechanical brain of doom when the entire human race that invented it couldnt

–Oh look, the souls of the credits are also in the talisman!

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That’s it for me folks. Movie was … interesting. Visually cool, kinda lame & overplayed plot-wise, but worth a watch if you’ve got some time to kill. And you’ve already seen every other interesting movie out there.